…I’m regrouping here. Up to now, this has been a repository for April Fool’s punchlines and test posts….a bit of a cyber-lakehouse, or cyber-villa or cyber-dacha.

When I’m able to come up for air in a couple of weeks, I’m going to make this my primary online residence and do something about the peeling wallpaper. This means that the same media essays you’ve come to expect of me elsewhere will be posted here…

Any questions about my research subjects can be posted in a comment, although, again, I won’t be around much for the first half of November.

Media inquiries may still be directed to regopark@arcticmail.com.

Thanks for stopping in…If you’ve read my work via RSS feed, this is the feed to find me now.

What does a 400-pound gorilla do all day in Rotterdam?  Anything it wants to!  Sorry, I just had to say that.

 http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/gorilla-sparks-panic-injures-four-people/20070518135609990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

Know about April yet?

Meet April Fools, the hottest name in new media.  She’s represented the likes of MSNBC, Gawker Med, The Drudge Report, Huffington Post, and the Miami Beach Chamber of Commerce.  When you have a story that needs to be told, you’ve got Fools on your side…before you even know she’s there. 

But April Fools isn’t just a premiere publicist.  She gives back to the community.  That’s why every year, on her birthday, she offers a pro bono monthly retainer to deserving media outlets, personalities and groups.

Just when you think you don’t need PR…April will anticipate your needs.

Read carefully. Think critically.  Celebrate globally. 

April Fools!

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Pass it on.

And visit Smid Beach, Florida!

Know about April yet?

Meet April Fools, the hottest name in new media.  She’s represented the likes of MSNBC, Gawker Media, The Drudge Report, Huffington Post, and the Miami Beach Chamber of Commerce.  When you have a story that needs to be told, you’ve got Fools on your side…before you even know she’s there.

 

But April Fools isn’t just a premiere publicist.  She gives back to the community.  That’s why every year, on her birthday, she offers a pro bono monthly retainer to deserving media outlets and personalities. 

Just when you think you don’t need PR…April will anticipate your needs.

Media tips for the day:

  • Women’s Weir Daily News does not exist.  As “weir” means “barrier”, no one in the media is likely to grab that URL (although if Women’s Wear Daily ever merges with New York Daily News, you’ll be the first to know.)
  • Matt Drudge does not own an Omnimedia Company.  He has not acquired Huffington Post.  Considering that he was once yelled at by The View hostesses for accompanying Ann Coulter into their communal dressing room – and hastily removed by a security guard – it’s unlikely he’ll be the next View bitch.
  • “Poisson d’Avril” is, in French culture, “April fish”, the butt of an April Fool’s joke.  So far as we know, nobody by that name works in The View’s communications office.
  • Arianna Huffington has not just announced a website merger between Huffington Post and Drudge Report.  Although last October, her site’s front page did feature a headline linking to a lampoon article claiming Joe Lieberman would not vacate his Senate office even if he lost his re-election bid.  Over a dozen outraged comment posters clearly did not understand that blogger Gabriel Rotello was joking.  The existing website setup made it impossible to complain to HP about the issue.  While the misunderstanding was probably due to botched organizational communication, the damage potential is, in our humble opinion, a bit scary.

Read carefully.

Think critically.

Celebrate globally.

April Fools!

My career as a human lab rat has come to a screeching halt before it even kicked off.  My hope was that two days at a medical center would provide a place to write without distraction and give me a little extra money while I’m between freelance gigs.  The study involved a monitored sleep night, followed by an MRI and 24-hour sleep deprivation without caffeine or caloric beverages.  “Fabuloso,” I couldn’t help but think.  “A free hotel room without a view, an entire night to get to the bottom of my book without the window or refrigerator to lure me away, and material for the story’s hospital scene!”  Hell, for $350 and a room with a laptop and no view, I’ll jump over pretty much any hoop a researcher wants.  If the good doctor wanted to put me in a giant hamster ball to observe me as I scurried across the floor, I’d strap my tape recorder to my chest to record my comments as I rolled along inside, keeping pace with the Zorb. 

On Monday night I checked into the corner medical center at the appointed 7 p.m. and was greeted enthusiastically by the nurse’s station.  They led me to a nondescript hospital room and fired off with the usual medical questions, only stepped up a notch.  After dinner and testing, I was hooked up to the promised hookups, my hair a congregation of gooped tube connections.  I was permitted to watch my brain waves on the monitor.  The night tech informed that I’d be on camera overnight.  At my request, she promised to tell me what I said should I talk in my sleep. 

I was tired enough to go to bed at 9, but it’s hard to sleep with flashing red lights and technicians coming in to reconnect wires one has accidentally pulled out.  Then came interminable dialogue between two techies on whether my bed was broken (the culprit turned out to be the backpack I stuffed underneath it) and discussion on whether I’d have to move to another room.  But when I did get some peace and quiet, I got very little REM time. 

They were nice enough to feed me the next morning before discharging me.  I was compensated $50, enough for a few pit stops at Starbucks should the work need arise.

This sucks.  No writers’ hell night, and I got a good night’s sleep.

I’ve just heard the sad news about the blaze that took out a good chunk of Trinity Cathedral in St. Petersburg, Russia, where I spent one of my best vacations yet not so long ago.  I still need to tune in to determine the true extent of the destruction…

I’m not normally claustrophobic, but international flights push my tolerance to the absolute limits. Paradoxically, window seats are best for me, but the aisle would have worked. Being 4’11″, I can contort my body and legs against the wall. What unsettles me is constant physical contact with my seatmate.  A seasoned traveler, I’ve flown overseas several times without difficulty – by knowing my limits and carefully reserving an appropriate seat.

Days after the London subway bombing, I flew from Heathrow to JFK. Only after I reached my gate did I see that I had been switched to the middle. I showed the gate attendant my travel reservations and she said American didn’t guarantee a particular seat. She directed me to the seating agent. Unsure how I’d handle seven hours in the middle of a five-seat row, I told the seating agent I became very claustrophobic in middle seats and feared I might have a panic attack. The woman didn’t bat an eyelid and completely blew me off.

Maybe she didn’t believe me.  Maybe it was the stress of the new security threats and precautions.  Maybe she’d pegged me as a drama queen and decided she’d fulfilled her royalty quota for the day.  Only my civility and fear of arrest kept me from completely exploding either in the gate or in-flight. The sight of cops with machine guns and an enormous Sikh security guard hand-inspecting carry-ons made it easy to decide not to pick Heathrow to “fight the power”. She made a halfhearted attempt to recruit someone to volunteer a seat and I heard nothing more.

Does airline staff really need bureaucratic protocol to tell them that forcing a claustrophobic passenger into a middle seat is a bad idea? I know customer service is a hard job, but what good are armed security and hand inspections at the gate if attendants don’t use their own judgment and instincts? They do, after all, take bomb jokes seriously…

Yesterday’s United Airlines incident may possibly be fallout from the limited elbow room in airline economy class seats, particularly difficult for overweight passengers or the people sitting next to them. With the wide gap in price point between economy airfares and higher-end seating, middle-class travelers are forced between suffering discomfort or foregoing air travel.

I went out of my way to show consideration to those around me and to avoid creating a security incident. Yet I was constantly crawling over fellow passengers to walk around, tying up the toilet (which offered more breathing space than my seat). But for all the airline knew, I could have done what the United passenger did the other day.

I would have gladly exchanged the barrage of in-flight movies and satellite radio to avoid that incident. International air flight is too expensive an investment to feel at the mercy of the airlines. They constantly throw icing at passengers when what we really need is cake.

It’s an unpleasant irony that while the rest of us are sipping our own breast milk and checking all but vital documents at Heathrow that security risks like “confessed” murderers like …what’s his name? John Parked Car?  John Walker Lindh? John Wayne Gacy? Long John Silver?  Let’s not give this guy any more attention…

Ahem.  As I was saying, while we’re chucking our toothpaste and shampoo, a security risk who shall remain nameless is permitted on a commercial aircraft unhandcuffed.  What gets me is not the specifics of the JonBenet Ramsey suspect, but the lack of consistent logic in airline security restrictions.  I’ll elaborate more on this tomorrow when I discuss my special insight to the recent United Airlines passenger incident.

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